zafiel

'Tis never too late to change for the better.

Wakekekekeke.... 

 I'm gonna try to be responsible for a change...

zafiel

Hmm, It's time for -that- again.

Its -henshin- time!!!
Its time to change for the better, to discard my past failings.

And as is the norm, we've got plans for this -fun- month...

Hahahahahaha....

I gotta work on a lotta things.

But I know everything's going to end up better than before.

Right..?
 

I have decided...

I'm going to accept my life as it is, myself as I am, and the world as it is. it doesn't matter if I'm gonna get hurt again, or if others are gonna get hurt becase of me once more. 

I'm going to be strong, I'm going to take things in stride, I'm going to see my troubles as challenges, I'm going to see things from the other side...

I'm going to treat failures as lessons, and my failures are there to make me human. i'm going to accept the faults of others. i will not dictate, i will not persecute. I will be human, I will have faith in humanity.

I won't cry each night becase I think I'm alone. I'm mistaken, becase I am not alone.

I'm going to be brave, i'm going to face life and all the joy and pain it brings. I'm going to live life to the fullest, I'm not going to regret anything on my deathbed. I'll never pull back from a challenge. I won't be afraid of girls. i won't skip classes. 

I won't be afraid of spending money to be happy. I won't waste money on things that I don't like or need. I will not be greedy nor parsimonious.

I'm going to have faith in my strengths and skills. I will brook no baseless insult, and I will be humble in the face of dominant opposition. I will not give up on any worthwhile pursuit. I will never give up when fighting or working for a girl's sake.

I will never tell a lie. I will never hurl slanderous words against another. i will be a faithful friend to all. I will not stereotype, nor will i subject myself to those who do.

I will fight for what I love.  I will fight for my family, I will fight for God, I will fight for my identity. I will fight for my girl, I will fight for my friends, I will fight for all those who care for me. I will never give up.

I will never give up as long as there is breath in this body, and fire in this heart.  

I realize I'm nothing but a kid...

I'm trying to run and hide from all the problems that confront me...

I'm just looking for someone to hide behind.

I'm looking for someone to act like my mother, who never existed...

I wanted to hide, I wanted to hide and cry, to simply stop all my pain...

Forget... 

http://jbiel.tabulas.com/zafiel/big/Komm_Susser_Todd.jpg

I've been thinking....

Why be fucking depressed, when I can be happy. Crazily happy, at that. All the anguish, its all coming from my fucking head.

Hey, I can be an asshole too. One hell of a fucking asshole. Whatever floats my fucking boat...

Why the hell do i have to be nice all the time to everyone..??

If I'm fucking pissed, then I'm fucking pissed!!!

 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Anyway...

The fact that I'm praying for the world to end is quite disturbing... So much rage and negativity inside...

What is that, that spark that's missing..???

What the hell is fucking wrong with me...???

I wake up each day, even more tired than the night before. Once I sit down in front of my PC, it all comes there. I try to forget reality, immerse myself in an unchanging dreamland of guiltless violence and destruction... 

Ultimately it is up to me whether I want to change the way I'm living. Although its quite hard. i've decided to end my life quite a few times already, but always relent due to the uncertainty of what's gonna happen on the other side of existence...

Its always on my mind.... Why do people have to suffer..? Why do so many people choose the path of destruction..?? Why make things harder for your fellow human..??

I learned a valuable lesson yesterday.

A car should never be driven with rage. Yes, yes, yes... 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- 

I restate something I said a few years back... There's nothing harder to kill than a lie...

I hate being angry and sad. I hate the world. The world (or rather the people of the world) makes me angry and sad. What better way, than to destroy the frigging world..?

I wish humanity never existed. I wish it never set foot upon the innocent grass, the tranquil seas, and the stern mountains of this Earth. I wish it could never taint the existence of life with its selfishness, hate, lust, greed, anger, duplicity, and guile.

I wish for an innocent world!!! I wish for a pure world!!! I wish for a world where human failings do not exist...

Kawaii desu ne...

Lyrics here:
KOMM SUSSER TOD

I've been a fool to myself
I thought I could
live for no one else
But not through all the hurt and pain
Its time for me to respect
the ones you love
mean more than anything
So with sadness in my heart
I feel the best thing I could do
is end it all
and leave forever
whats done is done, it feels so bad
what once was happy now is sad
I'll never love again
my world is ending

I wish that I could turn back time
cos now the guilt is all mine
cant live without the trust from the ones you love.
I know we can't forget the past
you cant forget love and pride
because of that its killing me inside

It all returns to nothing, it all comes
tumbling down, tumbling down,
tumbling down,
it all returns to nothing, I just keep
letting me down, letting me down,
letting me down,
in my heart of hearts,
I know that I called never love again
I've lost everything
everything
that matters to me,
matter in this world

I wish that I could turn back time
cos now all the guilt is mine
cant live without
the trust from those you love
I know we can't forget the past
you can't forget love and pride
because of that, its killing me inside

It all returns to nothing, it all comes
tumbling down, tumbling down,
tumbling down
it all returns to nothing, I just keep
letting me down, letting me down,
letting me down
It all returns to nothing, it all comes
tumbling down, tumbling down,
tumbling down
it all returns to nothing, I just keep
letting me down, letting me down,
letting me down
 

Whooh.

 I guess I wasn't fully prepared for the Japanese Long Test... Seems no one was.

With the project passed, and the exam over... Time for a rest!

BTW, is it just me or is Komm Susser Todd the most depressing song ever..??